The craving for security

Özlem Önen

We are going through difficult times due to the pandemic, which is having a global impact. We have gone through, and continue to go through, a period in which our misconception that ‘nothing will happen to me’ has been shaken, all our predictable life endeavours have been postponed or even halted, and we do not know when things will return to their old rhythm.

While rushing from one daily routine task to another, with their set pace and order, our confidence in being able to control our own lives provided us with a solid framework. However, this viral threat, whose end is uncertain, has destroyed our sense of control; while our established routines and predictable tasks made us feel good, uncertainty has left us alone with our anxiety.

It is normal to experience anxiety to a certain degree; it can even have a motivating effect. However, anxiety that prevents us from carrying out our daily tasks will negatively affect our quality of life.

How we respond to this uncertainty and how we transform it is important.

There are various responses to a threat that triggers a distinct fear. S. Akhtar defines the opposite of fear as fearlessness, the opposite as phobia, and courage. An example of fearlessness is a baby between 12 and 18 months of age engaging in behaviour that could be dangerous for them as part of their developmental process. As a result of frequent warnings from parents and repeated falls and injuries, the infant, who feels pain, gradually begins to behave more cautiously. The reverse phobia situation is usually social and behavioural recklessness seen in adolescents (such as driving fast, experimenting with substances, and rebelling against authority). These behaviours are expected to subside in a balanced manner within a suitable environment, parental support, and a healthy growth process. Courage, on the other hand, is knowing that one’s stance and actions may have negative consequences and nevertheless preparing oneself to face the extent of the danger. (1)

It is inevitable that the risk of encountering a virus that has shaken the entire world and has life-threatening effects will deeply affect our lives. We not only carry the burden of our daily routines, but also the anxiety of losing our loved ones. Our basic sense of security is shaken, and uncertainty may dominate our lives for a while. However, this situation will not last forever. Taking personal protective measures to try to get through this process with the least risk possible means that we also have a strong sense of awareness as individuals. Faced with such a risk, courage means accepting that the threat we are aware of could have negative consequences, and putting ourselves in a position to fight both this threat and our own individual difficulties.

If we are in good health and our loved ones are safe, we can perhaps view this process as an opportunity to achieve what we want to do. The sea may be choppy and the water murky, but we can strive to realise ourselves until the water calms down again. Progression cannot occur without regression. In order to achieve satisfactory results in our desired areas, we must go through a painful process of formation. K. Sayar states, ‘A person going through a crisis must accept that their old life has been shaken and that they must break free from old structures.’ (2)

Mahler refers to the 15th to 24th months of a baby’s development towards childhood as the ‘reapproach subphase’. During this period, the child, who is acquiring and developing walking and movement skills, gradually realises that they are a separate individual and begins to attempt to separate from their mother. The child’s mobility and efforts to explore the environment continue, but at the same time, they become more sensitive to bumps, knocks, and falls that they were indifferent to in previous months, and their mood can suddenly deteriorate when they realise they are separated from their mother. What they enjoy most during this period is social interaction (McDevin and Mahler 1989). With the realisation of separation and limitations, the threat of a decline in self-love and self-confidence emerges, as well as the threat of a collapse in belief in one’s magical, omnipotent side (I. Vahip, 1993). (3) In this crisis environment, where we feel confined within four walls due to the pandemic and our basic sense of security has been shaken, each of us has probably regressed somewhat to these complex feelings; at the same time, we were happy when we could hear the voices of our loved ones and friends through digital means.

When object permanence regarding the mother is achieved between 15 and 24 months, even if the mother is not physically accessible, the child can reach this image intrapsychically in their mind and satisfy their emotional needs. As we begin to leave behind the initial frightening effects of the pandemic and engage the comforting aspects of our inner world, we adults will also be able to develop new strategies towards our goals that need to be resolved.

The complex regressive period we are stuck in is a very likely and expected process for each of us. We will struggle at first, then shake it off and make the unreliable, slippery ground of life more liveable. We will also strive to find solutions to the difficulties that have existed before.

Sources

* S. Akhtar. ‘Fear’. In ‘The Sources of Pain’. Istanbul Bilgi University Publications. 2014

** K. Sayar. ‘What the Pandemic is Teaching Us’. The Age of Anxiety. 1st Edition 2020

*** I Vahip. Turkish Journal of Psychiatry, 1993; 4(1):60-66